I know I should get some sort of schooling in something. But it’s hard for me to devote myself to one thing if I’m going to be hating it in X amount of years. I know you’re probably saying that’s too rigid of thinking because people have many job changes in their lives. But I’m not like that. When there’s a decision this big on the table, I want to have the confidence to stick to that decision.
What I think my problem is my passion for anything. I don’t have the burning hunger to go after… what? You say I should just go and take generals and see if anything perks my interest? I’ve tried that. Nothing. And I just don’t want to pick something out of the blue that I might like, because it feels like I’m just flushing money down the tube.
I need to kindle my passion. For anything. Even if it was for knowing the right mixture for fertilizer. For I’m only existing, not living. I think Jack London said it best:
"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn outin a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time"
But my future is in my hands. And I’ll be damned if I can’t find some passion in this life. I want to live!
3 comments:
Well wanting to live is a good start. There's something to be said for contentment however. Moving on is inevitable and important, and it often leads down surprising paths.
I think a lot of people share this mindset in this culture. The family unit is different: people don't leave when they are 18 anymore. There's a greater tendency to stick with the pack, dysfunctional or no.
The American Dream might not be as much about enterprise and individuality anymore so much as contentment and quality of life. I don't find this to be a sad thing. Simply a shift in the strata.
Well my friend, I admire your conviction and wish I would have shared it a bit more. I stuck with a major that leaves me in a position to not get a job other than teaching and even now that is looking impossible.
As far as passions go, I admire Ebeneezer Scrooge, he at least had a passion for greed, it was described as a "master passion." I don't feel like I have one of those either, for good or ill. Many dabblings of my toe in the waters but nothing to channel my free time and thought into. I hope you find something to be passionate about. Love the blog, it is good to see someone posting conversations that really matter to them rather than just life updates. Good work!
-Ronnie
Bah! Contentment is for the mediocre. Nobody got immortality for being happy with the way things are. Find your passion and pursue it!
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